6 More Ways America Leads The World

America leads the world in pretty much everything awesome, there’s no need to even research that because everyone knows it. Fact. Period. Soaring eagles. End of story. But, did you know that we here in the U-S-of-A are in the forefront for many more phenomenal things that we rarely even think (or talk) about? Here are 6 More Ways America Leads the World!

1 – America is Bringing Renaissance Sexy Back! Yes, it’s true: We’ve brought back and dominated the Renaissance body type. Being fat used to be a sign of wealth and lavishness during the Renaissance times. For decades Americans have OWNED the Renaissance body – rich or poor – we are trendy, veritable hipsters of obesity.

2 –  We Are #1 For Bars. By this we mean people behind bars. We have higher incarceration rates than Cuba, Russia, Iran, and China.

3 – Most Lavish Place to Have a Baby. If you thought it was cool to have that Chanel or Fendi handbag, then you’ll really stand out when you have a baby in the United States! This is the country to have a baby in if you want to have the most expensive (and hardest) time raising a baby in the 1st world.

4 – We Have The Most Energy (Usage Per Person). We use the most electricity and oil in the world. We also are only second to China in coal consumption. What the frack!? Let’s work on this one people!

5- We Are the Most Thoughtful. Americans, because we are always thinkers thinking about things, have the most anxiety problems – with nearly 20% of us having clinical anxiety problems on a yearly basis. (Basically, we have so much going for us that we can’t keep it together).

6 – We Own This Shit. Whether we want to end up behind bars, eat fast food on the daily, pop out a baby that costs more than any first world country, drive a 12 mpg car, or not understand why we are losing our minds, the United States of America wins at pretty much everything, once again. That’s why it’s so easy to shoot one another here. Problem? BANG! Solved.

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