ISIS Calls Out The Lazy 99.99% of Muslims

YouReadyGrandma

In a recent video released by the terrorist group ISIS, leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi made a heartfelt, and seemingly confused, yet angry call for action. The terror leader – who was clearly distraught – pretty much yelled at other Muslims, while breaking down and having (for lack of better words) a hissy fit. Here is the transcript: “If all Muslims are terrorists, then there’s a whole lot of lazy Muslims! Look, it’s really not that hard,” uttered al-Baghdadi, “you just make explosives, strap them to yourself, and then go out and detonate around the innocent people. I mean, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE NOT GETTING!?” ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi concluded, “Look. It’s really not that hard to just believe what you are told – and then just kill everyone. C’mon people!!! The Christians did it before!!!” Check out more stories below – or like our facebook page. It’s like… really fucking important. Advertisements

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Dear World, Everything is Going to Be Okay

YouReadyGrandma

“As a 77-year-old grandmother, I have seen a lot in my life…”

Texas Governor Picks Guns Over Humanitarianism

YouReadyGrandma

Texas Governor Gregg Abbott (R-Texas), like many other state leaders, has sent a letter to President Obama stating that he will not allow any refugees into his state in light of the recent, tragic attacks in Paris, France. The decision was understandably made because of Abbott’s wanting to maintain the current, logical gun control laws in his state. “Can you imagine,” began Abbott, “if we had refugees coming into our great state whom we know little-to-nothing about, yet also have this remarkable ease of access to guns. That’s like… like an instant 72 virgins scenario!” Indeed, similar sentiments rang out in many other states which no longer wanted to be toe-in-line with President Obama’s welcoming message to these refugees. Abbott continued, “Can you ALSO imagine if we had to actually start checking the backgrounds of people who wanted to buy powerful guns –  checking things like their mental health records – and implementing a waiting period to boot!? Well that would be just ludicrous,” shouted Abbott. Abbott calmed down a bit – wiped sweat from his brow – and then stated, “Overall, the background checks for entry to the country that we already have in place now make complete sense, but I don’t want potential terrorists to get in here disguised as refugees who have waited months and months to get in,” Abbot then paused briefly to finish his Busch Lite. “Further, in regard to immigration in general, I agree with Donald Trump. The solution is a giant wall, on all of our borders… and maybe make a really tall one in New York City to block views of the Statue of Liberty. Or perhaps just tip her over to make her part of a wall!” Abbot shouted with the grin of an of inspired genius on his face. “And look,” Abbot concluded, “I’m not saying all of these people are bad… It’s just that I value the ease of access to guns over humanitarianism. It’s wrong to make Texans have to pass a background check and then have a waiting period – you know, pointless things that could prevent mass shootings in our country.” Check out more stories below – or like our facebook page.

Trump or Carson: How to Decide Who to Vote For

To help you make a sound decision, we’ve created this easy-to-follow article. Read on to learn more about this epic showdown between The Donald and Ben Carson:

FOX News to be Bought Out by The Onion

YouReadyGrandma

it has now been confirmed that The Onion has put out an offer that Rupert Murdoch has agreed to. The news organization that launched on October 7, 1996 revealed today that they…

Breaking: Obama Uses School Shooting to Defend Gun Owners

YouReadyGrandma

Barack Obama, who is by all means a “Lame Duck” president, used the recent school shooting to defend gun owners. This was a surprising move by the leader of the Free World as he decided to use tragedy in order to get everyday Americans to, as he stated, “think for…

Gay Friend Making Fantasy Football League Awkward

“Dennis is cool. He’s not a weird guy, and he knows a lot about football, but the other guys just didn’t seem comfortable, whatsoever, with his humor,” stated Sorenson…

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