Starbucks to Release a New Line of Religious Cups for Holidays

Starbucks Apologizes to Christians, Plans to Release a New Line of Religious Cups

After experiencing boycotts and whimsical backlashes, Starbucks has announced that they are going to trash their Happy Holiday cups to please Christians. Well them, and everyone else.

Starbucks’ Gobal Chief Marketing Officer, Sharon Rothstein shared with us how they will now being including everyone.

“In light of the outrage by many Christians we’ve decided to donate all of the Happy Holidays cups to homeless shelters,” stated Rothstein. “We figured as long as there are people out there complaining about nothing while being self-absorbed, we should actually do something good for the world.”

Rothstein then told us how Starbucks is going to remedy their “error” of inclusion that was perceived as exclusion by the chosen people of God.

“We have completed the new designs which truly include Christians – as well as everyone else. Just like the ‘Happy Holidays’ cups already fucking did.”

Starbucks will now be using cups with the following messages and designs to recognize all celebrations that take place around this same time of year:

1 – To represent Jewish people there will be cups with menorahs, dreidels, and yarmulkes.
2 – Satanist will be included via cups with the Sigil of Baphomet.
3 – Muslims will be seeing cups with a calligraphic representation of the word Allah.
4 – Those who celebrate Kwanzaa will see depictions of Mazao – the 2nd symbol of the celebration.
5 – Hindus will see cups with beautiful light designs for the celebration of Diwali.

When we asked Rothstein what they would be doing for Christmas cups she said, “For Christians there will be a cup depicting people wearing cross necklaces and crying like little bitches. Just kidding, but I’m not going to say that the notion wasn’t tossed around jokingly in the office,” laughed Rothstein.

“But in all seriousness, to answer the question – they will see cups with effeminate male elves on them.”

Rothstein also noted that the cups would be shipped to Starbucks shops in assorted packages and that baristas will just be using the next cup in the stack for each customer.

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Starbucks to Release a New Line of Religious Cups for Holidays

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6 thoughts on “Starbucks Apologizes to Christians, Plans to Release a New Line of Religious Cups

  1. MS ROTHSTEIN IS VERY SMUG AND IN HER SO CALLED APOLOGY WHICH IS FILLED WITH SARCASM… AND MAKING A MOCKERY OF CHRISTmas AND THE BIRTH OF CHRIST….. THE DAY CHRISTmas IS A SACRED HOLIDAY AND IS A CELEBRATION OF THE BIRTH OF CHRIST… THE SON OF GOD… AND WAS TORTURED, CRUCIFIED AND DIED FOR OUR SINS TO SAVE US.

    UNLIKE HANUKKAH WHICH IS A HOLIDAY OF BEING JEWISH AND IS A MINOR HOLIDAY NOT COMMANDED BY THE TORAH AND BARELY MENTIONED BY THE TALMUD.

    OR KWANZA WHICH WAS CREATED IN 1965 CELEBRATING AFRICAN HERITAGE…

    OR SIGIL OF BAPHOMET WHICH IS AN INSIGNIUM OF THE CHURCH OF SATAN WHICH CAME ABOUT IN 1965.

    ALLAH IS ANOTHER WORD FOR GOD WHO THE MUSLIMS, AS WELL AS THE JEWS BELIEVE IN…. THE MUSLIMS ALSO BELIEVE IN CHRIST… SON OF GOD..WHICH IS DESCRIBED IN THE QURAN “OH MARY, GOD GIVES YOU THE GOOD NEWS OF A WORD FROM HIM (GOD) WHOSE NAME IS THE MESSIAH JESUS. http://www.islam-guide.com/ch3-10.htm

    AND DIWALI IS THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS TO HONOR THE HINDU GODDESS OF WEALTH AND PROSPERITY .. AND ITS ORIGINS ARE REMOTE BECAUSE THERE ARE DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS AS TO THE CELEBRATIONS MEANING.

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    1. Virtually everything about “Christmas” is actually representative of the Pagan celebration of the winter solstice, Saturnalia. You need to get over your Christian privilege and stop whining about fake persecution. Oh, and Jesus is a myth and was never a real person.

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  2. Reblogged this on Bob's Opinion and commented:
    I don’t like this ___ (fill in the blank) woman imp’s patronizing attitude and slam… and their overpriced coffee is not that good anyway… when you read this you will see … their jester is actually a ‘get even’ slam to Christians.

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