Freeloaders Donate Record Amount to Socialist Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders, a front-running leftist presidential hopeful, has managed to raise more money, bring in larger crowds, and poll better than current President Barack Hussein Obama did back in 2008. His rise in popularity is due to many people giving small donations and the large number of people who flock to his speeches – even though he is just barely receiving media coverage from major outlets.

Indeed, it seems that poorer people, and those with some wealth and a heart, are able to scrape up money to help fund Sander’s campaign. Ironically, these people should just be happy being poor forever and/or being rich and treating the less fortunate like complete shit – just like Jesus said to do in Douchebags 9:12-33.

This asshole – Sanders – believes that all Americans should be able to get medical treatment, that we should have a more skilled population by paying for people to get an education, and that corporations are somehow not human beings.

Further, this idiot believes that people working 40 hours or more a week shouldn’t still be poor, but able to pay bills – rather than relying on government programs that are mostly funded by others who are barely scraping by. He also mistakenly agrees with more than 95% of scientists that climate change is real (dumb), and he thinks that women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job (lame).

Bernie also seems to think that we should take care of our veterans after they fight for our country, but that’s a ridiculous notion, we only spend more on our military than the next 3 first world countries combined. How could we afford any of this?

Overall, Sanders is a huge threat to America because he clearly doesn’t care about the people who make more money than they’d ever need, soaring bald eagles, and my right to shoot at whatever I want – including majestic, protected soaring bald eagles.

Indeed, it seems that poorer people, and those with some wealth and a heart, are able to scrape up money to help fund Sander's campaign. Ironically, these people[Photo By: Gage Skidmore. No endorsement implied. Eagle Photoshopped itself in, we shot it right afterward. It was majestic.]

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