Life Politics Religion

10 Signs That You Are a Sassy Grandma

There are many different types of grandmothers out there – some are kind, crazy, cheerful, angry, thoughtful, or just incredibly confused. Here are the 10 signs that you may be a sassy grandma:

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1.) You aren’t ashamed if you poop yourself in public. In fact, sometimes you do it on purpose for fun.

2.) You will regularly make various faces to show your shock, disgust, or disapproval – even when you don’t really give two shits about what’s going on or anything that is being said.

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3.) It’s not a problem, whatsoever, for you to rip a loud, juicy fart at any time and act like it never happened. You’ve had years to master your pa-pa-pa-poker face.Screen shot 2015-10-08 at 8.05.52 PM

4.) You aren’t afraid of death anymore. In fact, you purposely act depressed and say sad morbid or defeating things to tug on the heartstrings of family members so that they don’t find all of your other behaviors nearly as annoying.
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5.) You pretend that you can’t see much of anything just so you can get uncomfortably close to people after eating sardines while telling them that you lost your toothbrush weeks ago.

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6.) During holiday gatherings, you make up the names of “old friends that have since gone to Heaven” and then tell long-winded and highly awkward stories about all of the shenanigans that you would partake in with them, such as: experimenting with opium, participating in orgies that included Frank Sinatra, and that time that you were incredibly into Satanism.
Screen shot 2015-10-08 at 8.29.37 PM7.) You shame your relatives with old-fashioned, religious notions in one-on-one conversations, but get uncomfortably sexual with your “friend” Ethel while in line for communion at church.
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8.) You pretend to suddenly forget who a person is that is talking to you when they make you mad, and instead give them a bewildered look while using demeaning nicknames in a matter-of-fact way for the rest of the discussion, like: Fat Ass, Ugly, Whore, Butt Licker, Dumb Ass, and Tits McGee.
Screen shot 2015-10-08 at 8.32.41 PM9.)  You make up shit about everyone you know just so you can at least be entertained by some drama, because real life TMZ and trolling is way more fun.
And…Screen shot 2015-10-08 at 8.38.15 PM

10.) You spike the punch at family gatherings – and sometimes bring pot brownies – without warning anyone just to see what the fuck happens.

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