For various reasons, 30-something Jim Sorenson – native of Green Bay, Wisconsin – is starting to regret allowing his gay friend to play in his yearly fantasy football league. Sorneson began to realize his possible mistake of including his lifelong friend – Dennis Monroe – on draft day.
“Dennis is cool. He’s not a weird guy, and he knows a lot about football, but the other guys just didn’t seem comfortable, whatsoever, with his humor,” stated Sorenson.
Apparently the problem started from the get-go when everyone logged in for the online draft.
“I immediately noticed that Dennis’ username was: MakingTightEndsWideReceivers. I thought it was a funny name, but then I got a bunch of texts and private Facebook messages from the guys asking me what the name meant – and it was only the 3rd pick of the first round,” stated Sorenson.
Sorenson said that he then had to try to focus on his draft picks while also explaining gay lingo to his bewildered “straight” friends.
“I had to explain what ‘tops’ and ‘bottoms’ were – and also make my friends understand what ‘versatile’ means – which was something that most of them could not fathom.”
Sorenson said that some of the responses included utterances like:
“Wait. So, there isn’t a guy and a girl?”
“I know I put it in there with my girlfriend, but that’s different! Because… because she doesn’t have a prostate to stimulate!”
“Why would you take it if you could just give it all the time?”
“You mean his name is a gay-football-butt-joke?!?!”
“I think Dennis just ruined football for me forever.”
Yet, another one of his friends, Jimmy Schwartz threw Sorenson for a loop when he called him and was upfront about the whole situation.
Schwartz stated, in a loud, somewhat angry, yet very matter-of-fact manner, “Look Sorenson, I had no idea that there were other, uhhh, well gay bros who like football. I mean, just send me some photos of Dennis. If he’s cute, I’m interested.” Schwartz vehemently added, “AND DON’T TELL THE OTHER BROS!… BRO… We’re cool, right?”
By the end of the draft, most of the guys totally messed up on their picks, Schwartz had a date solidified, and Dennis had clearly drafted the best team in the league.
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A photo of Dennis enjoying a game at Lambeau Field: