On Monday afternoon Senator Mitch McConnell (R – AL) had to make the tough decision of aborting a bill that he himself had co-sponsored. The bill, S.1881, would have effectively ended Federal funding for Planned Parenthood.
“I was very, very hard for me to do,” sobbed McConnell, “I mean, it was a viable document that could have come to life as a living and breathing law. But sadly, it became clear that we were just not ready to have the bill at this time.”
Main bill sponsor, Joni Ernst (R – IA) said that there were a few reasons that the bill was not allowed to see the light of day.
She stated, “Long story short, we didn’t have the resources or support to pass the bill. There’s really no way we could have supported it successfully without there being two parties ready to take on the responsibility.”
Ernst continued to state that the bill would not have been introduced into a good environment that it would need to thrive.
“We would not have brought S.1881 into a warm and welcoming environment with the current American attitude toward such bills. Honestly, if it had become a law, it would have not seen any love from much of anyone.”
From the far-left side of the isle, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) acted as the voice of most Democrats.
“We know it was hard for the Republicans to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats were truly supportive of the decision. We just all admitted to ourselves that it was an unwanted bill that had many severe defects which would hinder it’s chances of thriving in the real world.”
When asked if her efforts to create a new, similar bill would cease at this point, Ernst stated that she would “keep making whatever poor decisions that (she) wanted – and be fine leaving both (herself) and other women completely unprotected while they are essentially fucked.”
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