A very unfortunate event took place today when 27-year-old Computer Scientist Joshua Springs carelessly sent a text message to his girlfriend Chelsea Schwitz – a critical care nurse at Kaiser Permanente. The text, which was only 2 sentences long, was severely altered by his iPhone 6 and inexplicably became a 1,500 word bitter, demeaning text that effectively ended their relationship.
Springs, who was just finishing his 10-minute morning break did not realize the error until he checked his phone again at lunch time.
“There I was, in line at Chipotle when I open my phone and see 37 unread text messages from not only Chelsea, but her mom and her best friend Timothy. I was horrified.”
Springs said that as he began to read the texts he wasn’t sure what had happened. He then looked back at the message he sent to Schwitz. After taking 10 minutes to read the message in its entirety he was floored.
“All I tried to send was, ‘Hey babe, I love you and can’t wait to finally take that European vacation we have planned for August. You mean the world to me ♥ ♥ ♥.'” But instead the message that was sent started off quite brutally, yet with similar wording.
“Hey BITCH. I fucking hate you and can’t wait to finally bone that Erica girl from work. I’ve been planning on leaving you for months. You mean absolutely nothing to me. Eggplant icon, water spraying icon, eggplant icon, water spraying icon, eggplant icon, water spraying icon, knife, knife, middle finger icon.”
The devastated Springs had no idea how to explain what happened.
“Nobody could have written that, that cold, heartless, shit storm of a message on a 10 minute break. I mean, I’m a computer scientists and I have no clue how to explain what happened. No matter what I say, Chelsea, the love of my life, refuses to ever talk to me or see me again.”
It appears that AutoCorrect had an even worse and completely horrific mind of it’s own for the rest of the long, vulgar message. The content cannot be included in this news article, but we can say that it included several phrases that were incredibly offensive and Photoshopped images of Schwitz’s mother, Darlene, which had a theme of several nude men being around her while doing various shameful acts.
When reached for comment, an Apple customer service representative to us to “go fuck ourselves.”
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(Photo by William Hook, no endorsement implied. Text altered to reflect situation)