Congress Passes Unprecidented Gun Control Law

Congress Passes Unprecedented Gun Control Law

On a day when another mass shooting took place in the U.S. and Colorado movie theater shooter James Holmes was convicted of mass murder, the U.S. Congress has finally taken action on gun control. With a shocking number of Republican Party supporters, the new law has been enacted immediately.

The late night D.C. vote came after very heated discussion and countless emotional speeches. One of the more notable individuals who spoke late in the nation’s capital was Presidential hopeful and Senator Ted Cruz. Despite receiving close to $10,000 in donations from the NRA, Cruz spoke his mind.

“At some point we have to stand up and say that enough is enough – and that point is close.” The disheartened Cruz leaned in and whispered in the microphone for emphasis while pinching his right thumb and pointer finger together, “Soooo close.”

Florida Senator, Marco Rubio, another Presidential frontrunner also took the floor and had an even harder stance.

“I only have a B+ rating from the NRA, so I might not seem like your typical Republican when I say this, but here goes. We should do background checks – including mental health checks – before we sell guns to anyone.”

The radical sentiment resulted in several audible boos from various attendees including a red-faced John Boehner and another Presidential frontrunner – Donald Trump – whom managed to slip past security by dressing up as Hillary Clinton.

Trump-as-Hillary
Trump was removed when he attempted to give a speech and a handful of people recognized that he wasn’t Hillary Clinton.

When it came time to take a vote on the bill, which was written and introduced to the floor by John Boehner, the final tally came out with 70% in favor of the new law. Boehner’s bill, which was entitled the Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today, or A.L.M.O.S.T., will set a strong limit on those trying to gain possession of guns.

“At some point, like Senator Cruz stated, enough is enough. This bill clearly expresses that sentiment. By passing this bill we have legally limited the number of yearly mass shootings to 37. After 37 we will not allow gun dealers to sell any more guns without more responsibility.”

Boehner paused to clear his throat, and continued, “Those selling guns will have to then take a more active approach by giving a stern glare and asking two questions. One: Are you crazy? And two: Are you going to shoot innocent people?”

The bill gives no answer for how gun sellers should respond should someone admit mental health issues or if they state that they plan on killing innocent human beings; however, Boehner also emphasized that the questions should be asked with a firm tone. He also added that those selling guns should “really seem like they mean it.”

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