In a shocking turn of events, it seems that people are gearing up for the Fourth of July by doing the exact same type of shit that they did last year.
The grills are out, the beer is somewhat cold, Grandma just shit in the pool, and nobody is watching the kids.
Your creepy uncle showed up with a ton of illegal fireworks in order to spend more time standing way too close behind you while whispering with his whiskey-soaked breath in your ear.
“That’s it, get that fuse nice and hot. Yah… yah… that’s it…. AND DON’T YOU F$#%@ING TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS!”
Your grossly overweight, alcoholic aunt has waaaay too much to drink and starts bitching about the left-wing media and how she wants her burger done medium-rare and how she only trusts Fox News and that Obama is a Kenyan and that you should share the chips because they ARE for everyone.
Three of the neighborhood kids lose fingers or become partially blinded. Grandpa is afraid that the dogs will eat the baby. Nobody can find the baby. Who the F put Grandpa in charge of the baby!?!?
Happy 4th of July! Be safe out there! Visit and “Like” my Facebook Page to get more of the latest important news updates.