Bill Preventing Members of Congress From Watching Porn at Work Stalls in the House

Washington D.C. (YRG) A bill proposed by U.S. House of Representatives member Judy Chu (D-CA) that would ban all members of congress from watching pornography while at work hit a surprising wall of opposition today. The bill was expected to pass unanimously, but has turned into what appears to be an inexplicable, one-man filibuster.

The proposed law, which was introduced to the floor this morning by Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH), was actually supposed to be the first order of business over a month ago on February 14th, Valentines Day. However, when asked by initiating representative Judy Chu during parliamentary procedure that day why he had skipped the issue, Boehner stated, “Point of order, let’s not kill true love today.”

During the exchange, Boehner was seen on CSPAN visibly turning a color similar to that of a blood orange, and then immediately moving on to another matter of business that would ultimately continue to limit the nearly non-existant health care for Veterans. Screen shot 2015-03-26 at 10.54.44 PM

Today, when Boehner brought Chu’s bill to the floor, which is entitled the “Forget All Pornography At Work Willingly” bill, or F.A.P.A.W.W., he had a clear, begrudging tone in his voice, likened to that of a elementary-school-aged student who had just been told to finish his peas or go to bed without dessert.

Upon the finishing of the procedural introduction of the bill, Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) immediately shouted, “Permission to speak freely!?” in an echoing, emotional, yet somehow guttural and primal tone.

Speaker Boehner granted this request as the two shared a long, knowing, and locked eye-contact for close to 20 seconds. Then, Majority Whip Scalise began his seemingly unprepared, yet impassioned speech.Bill Preventing Members of Congress From Watching Porn at Work Stalls in the House

“I have always been a huge proponent of freedom,” bemoanded Scalise, “but I, personally, have never even considered looking up obscene, arousing, indecent, crude, suggestive, lewd, dirty, twink, vulgar, filthy, smutty, erotic, BDSM, titillating, otter… hold, hold on…” Scalise paused momentarily to use a handkerchief to wipe the profuse, pouring sweat from his brow. He then rubbed an “itchy nipple,” for awhile with his eyes closed before continuing on…

“I would never look up off-color, sexy, risqué, leather bear, adult, X-rated, hard-core – or, especially BORING soft-core content while at work – because I know that it is not ethical. But, let’s be honest, this law is pointless.”

The sweaty and exasperated Scalise then consummated and refused to yield the floor because it was “still too hard and too sticky of a situation to step away from the podium.”

He has vowed to continue filibustering, but requested to be surrounded by, “something similar to the curtains in a hospital patient’s shared room,” while being given a power source and phone charger – as well as, “whatever the wi-fi password is in this place.”

Thank you for reading my latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like my Facebook Page to get the latest.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s