Hey there, it’s me, Focus on the Family. Just uhhhh…. well there’s no easy way to say this. I was minding my business the other day when I decided I would take a peek in a window or three… five, who’s counting right?…
Anywhooo, I noticed from several angles that you are not using compact fluorescent light bulbs. That would really save you a lot of energy and you should stop masturbating, it’s a sin.
Also, when you left your garage open last Sunday because you were in a hurry to not GO TO CHURCH I managed to let myself in. (I hope you don’t mind) So after I picked your lock I decided to head right up the stairs to your daughter’s room.
After perusing a bit through her backpack I found a science book. You should really throw this out. Well, actually, I thought to myself “I should really throw this out!” So I did. You do not need to thank me.
On my way out to the road I hid in the bushes when I heard you to coming home from NOT CHURCH.
I poked holes in all of your condoms.
Focus on the Family